Harley and Me..........

Rick,

Well brother it's been almost a year since your passing and it's still hard to believe that you're not here. I've shed many tears , some of saddness for knowing you're not here and some of joy for knowing that you are in a better place. Since your passing life just hasn't been the same for me. So many questions without answers.

After I left you that thursday and went back down to Duluth, I rode with Bob up the shore to do an estimate ad we were talking how much this has affected everyone he said that it was the beginning of the end. That we as a family are not the same anymore and that's hard to comprehend because this is all i've known, the eleven of us. I have always been so proud to be from this family and everytime it came up in conversations as to how many in my family i always said proudly, ELEVEN! They would almost always look at me in amazement and say wow! I told them that it was the best family in the world. Someone asked me the other day for the first time how many brothers and sisters i had and just as proudly as ever i said, ELEVEN and then it struck me that it's not the same. It hurt so bad, it was just different this time knowing that you are gone. was at work yesterday thinking about that conversation and i pretty much cried all day long. I can only imagine what people were thinking seeing his guy driving a truck with tears rolling down his face. Man i MISS YOU BROTHER!

ne thing that i will never forget is the time i got to spend with you during the last week of your life. I feel so proud and honored knowing that i was able to,hopefully, make your last days here as comfortable as possible. That is an experience i will never,ever forget. When i found out i was going to be able to come back to see you i was so excited and just hoped and prayed you would still be here so i could see you and talk to you. then as time grew closer i became more and more apprehensive because i wasn't sure of how i was going to react or how i would handle it. I have to tell you brother it hurt so much to see you that first day. After i left th room i had Kathy take me to the store and as soon as i got in the car i lost it. I've never cried like that except when dad died. To see you laying there so helpless and yor body just a shell of it's former self was somethingthat i wasn't prepared for, even though i had been getting constant updates from everyone it was something i would have never imagined.

After i got over my initial shock there was no place i wanted to be. Even though didn't know what to do or how to do it, i was so afraid of hurting you everytime we had to change you or roll you but everyone told me not to worry, that i would figure it out and that know matter what i couldn't makeyou anymore uncomfortable then you already were and that what we were doing was making you more comfortable. I really need to thank everyone, Don, Kathy, Bob, Beth, Marge, Lis just everyone for helping me to understand that i couldn't hurt you anymore. The time when i pulled your diaper out and, um, everything went flying everywhere because i didn't have hold of all the corners and to hear you laugh was the BEST! Rick, for you allowing me the opportunity to help take care of you that week, i can't thank you enough, it was priceless. I would have done anything for you brother to ease your pain.

Rick, i've always looked up to you and admired you for the way you choose to live your life. The way you've made a difference in peoples life without seeking praise but just making apart of your daily life is truly amazing. You are and always will be an inspiration and a hero to me. I only hope i can live to be half the person you are and i will never stop striving to be the best person i can. I also want to thank you for watching over me, i know that you have because things have happened that i have no explanation for other then someone is watching over me. I just wish i had answers for so many questions that i have and not knowing who to talk to or maybe it's something i need to figure out on my own. I don't know i just get so confused sometimes.

Well brother, don't know if they have email there in Heaven but even though there is so much more i want to say and ask i'll let you go for now. Just know one thing Rick, you are truly an inspiration and a hero to me and i love and miss you so much.

Rest In Peace Brother

Jim